I really wanted family photos before Noé moved to Hawaii, as once Kaleb moves to Africa we won't all be together for two years. Plus, we may never all live under the same roof again. Luckily, we had time after our 2nd lockdown ended and before the 3rd one started to have them taken by the amazing Rebecca Wareham! (Rebekah Baronins is also a fabulous photographer!)
I love this man more and more each day and am so grateful for the life we have built together.
I still don't know how I got so lucky that these seven call me Mom. It is an honor and privilege.
My handsome boys.
My beautiful girls.
Three weeks before we took these photos I learned I was pregnant again. Two days after the photos, I learned we were having twins! Unfortunately, two weeks after that I learned I had had a silent miscarriage (my body still thought I was pregnant, but the babies had stopped growing). The above photo is the size my babies got to, before they passed. Five days after I learned I would miscarry, the miscarriage finally started (I knew there would be emotional pain, but I wasn't expecting the physical pain. It felt like I was in labor for 18 hours.) Here we are two weeks later and I am still going through the miscarriage. I want it to end, and also I don't. Does that make sense? Many of my loved ones have offered their love and condolences and told me that they know these two will be with our family in Heaven. I sure hope so, but I just don't know. I do believe our Spirits live in Heaven before we are born on earth. I'm not sure though if life on earth begins at conception or at the first breath after leaving the womb. I've always thought since life ends when the heart stops, then maybe life begins when the heart starts. My little ones' heartbeats were never detected by ultrasound. I've had two blighted ovums before, and I had 8 embryos when we tried IVF. I was sad that none of those conceptions made it to life outside the womb, but the loss of these twins is much harder and feels so much different. I would still love to have another child(ren) through birth or adoption, but I still hope these two will be ours in Heaven someday.
I am so incredibly grateful for these precious children!
I know they are mine for sure forever!
This is my heart!
I've had many friends lose loved ones recently and my heart breaks for them. Please go and hug your loved ones tight!
