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The last time I posted on here I found out I was pregnant!  I've wanted to post since then as we had some fun days in March and already now in April, but I have been so tired and nauseous that it always got pushed to the back burner.  Here's an update though:

Five weeks ago, my period was a week late. I took a pregnancy test and was so surprised and thrilled that it was positive (I took 2 other home tests each a week a part as well). I called my doctor and she had me come in for a blood test. When the nurse called me with the results she said I was a million percent pregnant. That made my day!

Two weeks ago, I went in for my first dating ultrasound. The sonographer found not one, but two little fetal poles. They were in separate amniotic sacs, but shared a chorionic sac which also meant they shared a placenta and would be identical. They were measuring two weeks earlier than we thought, and no heartbeats could be detected. I was nervous, but the doc wasn't. She just wanted me to have another ultrasound in two weeks.

Today was the day of the second ultrasound. Unfortunately, I have already lost one of the babes, and the other one has stopped growing. I should miscarry on my own this week. If not, I will need my doctor to help my body pass everything.

It's incredible the sense of loss of something I never had yet. We did have big dreams though. The kids were already debating if they were both boys or girls. I had read my baby names book and chosen 4 names, hoping Leonard would love them as much as me. I had been dreaming of how we'd decorate the nursery and how we'd decorate the big girls' room when Macy moved in with Ali. Dreaming of a full-size van we could all fit in. Dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, and now all of that is gone like a wisp of smoke.

I'm so grateful for my wonderful husband and our seven amazing kiddos, but I am sad for the loss of the two.