(Peace by Jonathan Ogden)
Now that 2017 is over I need to put my final thoughts of the year down, so I can let go of them and move on. Anyone who has read this blog knows all of these things already, but I need to say goodbye to them.
2017 was probably the hardest year of my life (and I've had some hard ones). We moved to India in the summer of 2016 with the hopes of staying for 4 years. However, I suffered from horrible depression and anxiety while we were there that led to us making the decision Leonard and I promised we would never do and that was to live apart from each other for a year so he could finish his work assignment and I could hopefully find peace again. The kids and I lived with one set of parents for the summer and moved in with the other for the school year. All of my parents are AMAZING, but it's hard living under someone else's roof and out of suitcases for long periods of time. I missed my home, I missed my things. However, I did not want to move back to the cold weather and far away from our extended families again, but since Leonard's job is here in Canada that's what we had to do. After our tenants moved out of our home we discovered that they caused serious damage to it in the 16 months that they lived in it. We had planned on painting the whole interior of the house and replacing the flooring on the main level. However, we had to replace all of the flooring in the whole house, all of the kitchen appliances, and all of the light fixtures. We still need to replace all of the kitchen and bathroom counter tops as well as the windows and front doors. We also need all of the air ducts cleaned. After the snow melts we will have to do A LOT of work on our yard too. When we moved to India we put all of our furniture into long-term storage, but brought everything else with us. We had hoped to live there for 4 years and didn't want to feel like we were vacationing, but that we were living! Some of our things got destroyed in India when our apartment flooded, but then most of our earthly possessions were completely destroyed during their shipment from India back to Canada as they were packed up during the monsoon season and obviously not packed properly!! This was heartbreaking to lose almost everything we owned! I know they are just things, but they are our things that have made up our lives! Some things are irreplaceable and the things that are replaceable cause a headache to replace! All of these worries have been very hard to deal with, but the biggest worry in my heart is my soon-to-be baby daughter's health. When I learned she had Down syndrome I felt like our world had fallen apart. Can I be the mother this sweet girl needs and the mother the rest of my children need and the wife my husband needs? When I learned about her heart defect I learned how much I love her already and want her to live and am so scared about all of the health issues she will face in her life. I have a strong faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and in the Holy Ghost, but I'm not going to pretend that my faith hasn't faltered during this time. I have felt forsaken and abandoned as each new thing piled on top of the other bad things we were already dealing with (like this sickness we've had now for 2 weeks). However, I hold on to things tightly, so I was able to hold on to my testimony even when it got slippery. I know God lives. I know He knows me. I know He loves me. I know I will be okay. I know it will take time to heal though.
Now I'm ready to say goodbye to 2017 and welcome to 2018! This is going to be a good year! We are going to get re-settled back into our home. We are going to have a beautiful little girl join our family. We are going to serve at church. We are going to serve at work. We are going to learn at school. We are going to participate in extracurricular activities. We are going to travel (probably just small day-trip road trips, so loved ones come and visit us!). We are not going to give up on our dreams. We are going to try our best to love and serve God and our fellow man. Life is hard and knocks us down, but we get back up and are stronger for it. This is going to be a great year!
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